


Mr. Parker

by Spiro



Series: Spideypool AU Series [1]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Dadpool, Fifth grade teacher Peter Parker, Fluff, M/M, Mentions of Sex, One Night Stand
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-21
Updated: 2015-04-21
Packaged: 2018-03-25 01:25:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3791431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spiro/pseuds/Spiro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peter Parker is a painfully ordinary fifth grade teacher that has an extraordinary one night stand with a stranger. Too bad that stranger turns out to be one of Peter's student's dad.  </p><p>Based in the tumblr AU:<br/>“We hooked up last night and it turns out you are my child’s teacher.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mr. Parker

**Author's Note:**

> The original AU can be found [here](http://fentonio.tumblr.com/post/116480998814/angiespeggy-list-of-trash-aus-i-need?utm_campaign=SharedPost&utm_medium=Email&utm_source=TumblriOS)
> 
> I'd also like to thank my editor, theslowhipster, for being awesome.

Peter woke up pleasantly warm and comfy. Something big and solid was draped across his waist, curled protectively around his navel. His pillow was kind of hard, but warm and rose and fell steadily. Peter blinked sleepily at the morning sun that filtered through the bedroom window and yawned. He squinted suspiciously, that wasn’t his window because he most certainly didn’t have flamboyantly pink, floral print curtains. He moved his head slowly up, catching sight of his pillow—which was actually a very muscular chest—before landing on the face of a sleeping man. Peter remembered that face very well. He knew that if those eyes were open they would be bright blue and that his smile brought on adorable dimples in the corners of his mouth. Peter remembered seeing that face from across the bar the night previous. He remembered being hardly deterred when he noticed the face was covered in horrific looking scars—possibly burns he had thought. The man made a comment about Peter’s ass looking fantastic in his jeans while he bought Peter a drink. He had given him such a blinding smile when Peter accepted the drink that Peter had been momentarily stunned by how badly he wanted to kiss that smile off of that face. Fuelled by too much alcohol and not enough self-preservation instinct, Peter had done just that. He was rewarded with a blush that crawled it’s away all the way down the other man’s neck. He remembered the way his own eyes had hungrily followed the blush down the other man’s neck—wishing he could see just how far it went. The other man did a one-eighty from all lecherous grins and crude comments to shy and blushing in an instant. Peter knew from that second that he was going to take this guy home.

 

Perhaps it had been too quick, Peter thought, but in the moment, all Peter could think about was how the other guy would gasp as Peter bit at his neck in the back of the taxi on the way to the other man’s apartment. He hardly even paid any mind to how he didn’t even know the other guy’s name. All he cared about was how much he wanted to take this guy’s shirt off. How Peter was really glad the other man was able to get them through his apartment and in the bedroom without having to stop kissing. Peter had been insanely happy about how this guy had condoms and lube already and had said so at the time, laughing loudly when his companion mumbled something about being like a boy scout. Peter could hardly remember a better first time sex experience then this one. He could hardly remember laughing this much during sex.

 

Peter smiled to himself, he wondered just how he should wake up him bed-partner. He mind was kindly supplying ‘blow job’ when he heard his phone buzz faintly.

 

Peter was abruptly ripped from his dreamy, sex-addled brain, back into his real world. What the fuck was he doing here? What was Peter doing in the bed of some guy he didn’t even know the name of and had meet not twenty-four hours ago in a gay bar? He was an elementary school teacher for fuck’s sake. He didn’t do things like this. He was boring and painfully average. He spent most Friday nights grading papers or watching Netflix, not finding guys to fuck at bars. Jesus, he had a parent-teacher conference he should be preparing for right now, not waking a stranger up with a good-morning-blow-job.

 

Peter slowly, carefully wiggled his way out from under the guy’s arm. He threw his clothes on as quickly and quietly as he could. He grimaced as the thought ‘Walk of Shame’ popped into his head as he sped through the apartment. He pushed down his guilt about leaving the other man to wake up all alone but Peter needed to get back to his real world.

 

 

“Do you hate parent-teacher conferences? Because I hate parent-teacher conferences.”

 

“I think we’re contractually obligated to hate parent-teacher conferences, Peter.”

 

Gwen Stacy, the fourth grade teacher and Peter’s best friend, was currently sitting with him at his desk in his fifth grade classroom.

 

“Too bad we couldn’t take a shot before we are subjugated to _parents_ ,” Peter grumbled. He leaned back in his chair and lifted up his glasses to rub his tired eyes.

 

Gwen snorted, “I think people would have some problems with teachers getting drunk for conferences or even in general.”

 

“What? Why? Drunk teachers would be awesome.”

 

Gwen stared at him for an uncomfortably long time. She looked like she was trying to figure out a really annoying and complicated math problem, possibly calculus.

 

“What’s with that look?” Peter squirmed in his seat.

 

“You’ve been acting weird all day. Did something happen last night?” Leave it to Gwen to figure out that Peter was feeling off. He was positive she could see through his very soul.

 

“You know how you’ve been telling me that I need to get over MJ—“

 

“Yeah, ‘cause she broke up with like three years ago.”

 

Peter rolled his eyes at her, “thanks for the reminder. Anyway, I went to a gay bar last night—“

 

Gwen’s eyebrows looked like they could have been in her hairline; they jumped so high, “seriously?”

 

“I told you that I’m bi, Gwen,” Peter sighed, “I dated Johnny Storm senior year of college, don’t you remember?”

 

Gwen rolled her eyes so hard that Peter was surprised they didn’t just roll right out of her head, “I _know_ you’re bi, Peter. I’m surprised because you never go to bars by yourself. Hell, I usually have to drag you kicking and screaming if I want to go.”

 

“Oh, well let me finish.”

 

Gwen waved a hand around in a move-along motion, “Sure, sure. Continue, please.”

 

“So, I meet this guy there and he’s like, super-hot. Really tall and muscular, has the cutest dimples—“Gwen quarks an eyebrow at him, “Well, anyway he’s really attractive and he buys me a drink and we make-out and stuff. Then we go back to his place and you know…” Peter trails off blushing.

 

“And what?” Gwen asks with a sharp grin.

 

“And we have sex, okay?” Peter blushed furiously and started shifting the papers around on his desk, trying to will away his red cheeks.

 

Gwen reached over and slapped his arm, “You dog! I didn’t know you had it in you!”

 

“Ow! What was that for?” Peter rubbed at his arm.

 

“Don’t be such a baby, Parker. So what’s this guy’s name? Was he any good? Did he hurt you, is that why you’re being all weird?”

 

“What? No! He didn’t hurt me. He was really sweet and I don’t know his name. We never exchanged names,” He said sheepishly.

 

“Holy shit, Peter Parker having a legit one night stand. I better write this down in my calendar.”

 

“Oh stop being so dramatic, Gwen. I’ve had one night stands before.”

 

“Oh yeah, sure. Name one time.” She gave him a challenging look.

 

“Ummm,” Peter raked his brain, “Well…”

 

Gwen looked triumphant, “That’s what I thought.” Peter glared at her until she finally laughed, “Come on, it’s nearly time for the parental units to start showing.”

 

Peter gathered up his papers and followed her out of his classroom and down to the cafeteria where there were a bunch of tables set up. The tables were spread out in sections by grade and parents were called up to each teacher by their child’s last name. Some teachers were already seated at their tables but most were standing in little groups chatting. He and Gwen drifted towards the back of the room where the fourth and fifth grade sections were.

 

“Hey,” Gwen said catching his attention, “after this is over I want to hear all the dirty details.” She pointed a finger in his face, “I mean it Parker. Every. Detail. I wanna know how good of a top he was.”

 

Peter stared her straight in the face, “Who said anything about him topping?”

 

Her shocked squeak of “Peter” was cut off by the arrival of Harry Osborn, their friend and fellow teacher.

 

Peter let his mind wander as Harry complained about one of his kindergarteners that threw-up on his new Italian made shoes. Peter wondered for the millionth time why Harry had decided to become a _kindergarten teacher_ of all things instead of taking over for his father as the head of Oscorp.

 

The parents and occasional student were starting to filter in. It was optional for students to come and most didn’t but some liked to or were forced to. He noticed a few faces of his students’ parents when he noticed the frame of a very tall, broad, and _familiar_ man walk in hand-in-hand was a little girl that Peter was too preoccupied to identify.

 

All sense of dignity flew out of the window for Peter and he ducked behind Gwen.

 

“Peter, what are you doing?” Harry asked, giving him a strange look.

 

“Holy shit, Gwen,” Peter whispered loudly, “it’s him.”

    

“Who him?” Her eyes widened in realization, “not _him_ him?”

 

Peter nodded rapidly, “It is him!”

 

“What are you two talking about?” Harry asked, bewildered.

 

They both ignored him. “Where is he?” Gwen asked.

 

“He’s by the entrance. He’s really tall and bald and covered in scars. He’s kinda hard to miss,” Peter peeked over Gwen’s shoulder. “Ugh, he looks really hot too. It should be illegal to wear a shirt that tight and look that good in it.”

 

Gwen searched around the room before she gasped loudly, “Holy fuck, Peter!”

 

“What? What!” He exclaimed.

 

“That’s Ellie Camacho’s dad: Wade Wilson.”

 

“Oh fuck me,” Peter whispered in horror. Ellie Camacho was one of _his_ students.

 

Gwen giggled, “I bet he would if you asked nicely but it sounds like that’s not really his thing.”

 

“Now is not the time, Gwen Stacy!” Peter glared at her.

 

Harry seemed to give up, “I want the whole story later guys.” He turned and headed up to the front of the cafeteria to his table.

 

“Sure, whatever Harry.” Gwen waved him away absentmindedly.

 

“Wait,” Peter said suddenly, “I thought Ellie was an orphan. I’ve only talked to her adoptive mom, Emily Preston”

 

“From what I gathered when I had her last year, after her mom died in the car accident Ellie bounced around relatives until someone got in contact with her biological father, your mister tall, bald, and sexy. Sounds like Ellie was the product of a one night stand and didn’t get in contact with her father until a year or so before her mom died. I think Ellie said he was in the military or something? He was hard to get a hold of because he did a lot of top secret missions and stuff—maybe he was black ops or CIA or something. I don’t know. Anyway, he couldn’t take her because of his super-secret job so he had her adopted by Emily Preston, who I think he used to work with.”

 

“Wow…” Peter mumbled.

 

Gwen shrugged, “I have a good memory and Ellie loves to talk.”

 

Peter nodded. Even though it was the beginning of the year, Peter could already tell Ellie was a talkative one.

 

“Well,” Gwen slapped his back. “It’s show time!” At the look on his face Gwen grinned, because she was a terrible, horrible friend, and said “Don’t worry! It’ll be over before you know it! It goes by child’s last name so Ellie’s going to be one of the first.”

 

“I hate you,” he whined.

 

“I love you too, Peter!” As she walked away she called over her shoulder, “Good luck!”

 

Peter dragged his feet all the way to his table. He felt vaguely sick and wished that there could be a freak earthquake or alien invasion so that he wouldn’t have to do this. He shoved down his fear as the first parent sat down.

 

The three parents that came before Ellie and her _father_ finished far too quickly for Peter’s taste. He couldn’t for the life of him remember what he had even said to those parents and the sick feeling in his stomach was getting worse by every second.

 

Then, too soon, it was time.

 

Peter tried to hide himself behind a few random pieces of paper. He hoped against all hope that Wade wouldn’t recognize him; perhaps all the dim lighting and the lack of glasses Peter had been wearing that night would throw Wade off. Peter doubted it even as he thought it.

 

“Mr. Parker!” Ellie said excitedly, “This is my dad, Wade Wilson.”

 

Peter took a deep breath and squared him shoulders. He pulled every bit of teacher professionalism that he had and pushed it to the surface hoping that it would shield him from what was about to happen.

 

“Hello Mr. Wilson, my name is Peter Parker,” Peter put on his best, cheerful teacher smile and stuck out his hand to Wade.

 

Wade grinned back (Peter’s heart melted a bit at it) but when their eyes met his smile slid off and recognition flashed in his eyes.

 

“Mr. Parker,” Wade drawled, shaking Peter’s hand briefly.

 

Peter felt himself flush both at the short contact of those rough hands that not too long ago had been all other Peter’s bare flesh and at the sound of Wade’s deep voice saying his last name. Peter had a sudden image of bending Wade over his classroom desk and fucking him until the only thing he could say was “Mr. Parker.”  

 

Peter shook himself of his thoughts before him pants could become too tight. He really hoped his flush wasn’t visible but with the look Wade was giving him, something told him it was kind of obvious.

 

Peter cleared his throat, “Ellie is doing very well in class, and Mr. Wilson you should be proud of her.” Peter smiled at Ellie and she positively beamed back. They had the same dimpled, Peter noted absently.

 

“I am!” Wade leaned over to mess up his daughter’s hair until she swatted him away.

 

“Dad, stop! It took you, like three hours to braid this,” She laughed.

 

Wade looked smug, “damn right and it looks fucking fine as hell.”

 

Ellie rolled her eyes, “Swearing dad.” She scolded.

 

Wade clapped a hand over his mouth, “Shit, sorry.” He mumbled.

 

Ellie sighed, “Sorry, Mr. Parker. I’m always telling him not to swear so much but he never seems to be able to stop.”

 

Peter couldn’t suppress the smile any longer; the two of them were just the cutest. “It’s fine, really. I assure you I’ve heard worse.”

 

Peter could have sworn that he heard Wade mutter, “I’m sure you have.” And Peter found himself blushing again—Wade was very vocal in bed and his cursing had been colorful and _loud._

 

“Right well, my only suggestions for Ellie, Mr. Wilson, would be some practice at home with her multiplication tables as well as double digit division—“

 

“Ugh I hate double digit dividing” Ellie mumbled under her breath.

 

Peter smiled at her, “I know.” Then he continued, hoping he could get this meeting over with, “Ellie’s reading is phenomenal, she is well into a middle school reading level. She’s probably one of the top readers in the class.”

 

“That’s my girl,” Wade said giving his daughter a high-five.

 

“Well, if you don’t have any questions for me—“ Ellie and Wade shook their heads at the same time and Peter found it incredibly adorable, “I was wondering if I could speak to your father alone?”

 

Ellie gave him an odd look before looking at her dad but all Wade did was shrug.

 

“Am I in trouble?” She asked.

 

“No, no!” Peter said hurriedly, “It’s a—umm.” He gave Wade a pleading look, hoping that he would understand that Peter didn’t want to have this conversation in front of her.

 

“It’s cool,” he said. “I’ll be just a minute.”

 

Ellie gave them a suspicious look before she hopped off her seat and heading to a group of fifth graders had grouped up while their parents talked amongst themselves.

 

“Mr. Wilson—“ Peter tried to begin but Wade cut him off.

 

“Call me Wade, seriously. No one calls me Mr. Wilson.” He sighed and ran a hand over his face. “Look I get it Petey, you want to apologize or whatever. You’re not the first person to get your fill and then dash. Hell, you’re better than most—people usually don’t bother to spend the night. I don’t blame them, who wants to wake up to this.” He made a vague motion towards his face.

 

Oh god, Peter wanted to throw up. He wanted to throw up then jump out a window because he felt like the biggest fucking asshole ever. Scratch that he _was_ the biggest fucking asshole ever.

 

“No!” Peter said a little too loudly because a few people turned to look at them. He said the next part a little quieter, “Jesus, that’s not why I left. Do you not see how fuck gorgeous you are?” Wade gave him a disbelieving look. “Not my point. What I was trying to say was that I left because I was so completely overwhelmed. I don’t do casual sex. I suck at causal sex. I’m a dinner and a movie and five more dates before sex kind of guy. When I woke up this morning I didn’t even know your name and all I could think about was giving you a fucking blow job” Peter flushed when Wade wiggled his hairless eyebrows at him. “So when I snapped back to real life I kind of freaked out and bolted because I hardly know you and a like you a lot. Like, a lot, a lot.”

 

“Wait,” Wade said, leaning an elbow onto Peter’s table and pointing his finger in Peter’s face. “Are you being serious? Or is this some weird ploy to get into my pants again?”

 

“No. What? Ploy?” Peter shook his head rapidly. “I don’t want to get into your pants.” Wade raised an eyebrow at that. “No, I mean that would be _nice,_ obviously (well more than nice), but what I’m doing a terrible job of saying, is that I’d like to go on a real date where sex would be optional or whatever.” Peter finished lamely.

 

A cautious smile was working its way across Wade’s mouth, “You’re serious?”

 

Peter nodded so hard he felt like he was giving himself whiplash, “Deadly.” He ripped a random piece of paper in half and scribbled his number on it, “this is how serious I am. This is my number. Text me or call me if you wanna go out. I’m free most weekends unless I have a lot of papers to grade.”

 

Wade pocketed the paper and flashed Peter one of his blinding smiles that made Peter go all warm and fuzzy inside.

 

“Well, I guess I’d better head out,” He gave Peter the dorkiest smile when he nearly tripped over his feet trying to stand up, “I’ll text you later,” Wade said while walking backwards then he gave Peter a little wave before turning back around.

 

Peter watched him meet up with Ellie across the cafeteria. He saw her grab Wade’s arm and tug on it until he turned to face her fully and when he was facing her she gave him the most serious look a fifth grader could give then seemed to ask him something. Wade paused a moment in what appeared to be shock before nodding with the biggest, brightest smile Peter had seen him do yet. Ellie spun around and caught Peter’s eye and gave him a double thumbs up before high fiving her dad. Peter knew he was blushing and smiling like an idiot when the next parent sat down but he found that he didn’t really care.

 

 

After all the parents were gone Peter shuffled around his papers in an attempt to find his phone. When he finally located it he found a text from an unknown number that said:

 

_Hey baby boy! I hope you like Mexican food because I’m taking you to the best Mexican food place tomorrow night :P_

“From the frankly ridiculously giddy expression on your face I’d say it went well,” Gwen said as she perched herself on his table.

 

Peter grinned at her, “I have a date.”

 

“Yeah, I gathered that.” She rolled her eyes at him but she was smiling too.

 

“Oh my god, what did I miss?” Harry asked throwing him arms into the air. “Why the fuck does Peter have a date? What is going on?”

 

Peter squinted at him, “for a kindergarten teacher you sure do swear a lot.”

 

Harry gave him a nasty look, “that has nothing to do with anything!”

 

Gwen threw an arm around Harry’s shoulder, “come on. I’ll buy you and Parker some drinks and then we’ll tell you all about it.”

 

Peter just beamed at both of them. Today had turned out to be a pretty fantastic day.

 

\--END--       

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a firm believer in bottom!wade and I completely blame fuckyesdeadpool.tumblr.com for that.
> 
> Hope y'all liked it! 
> 
> Please leave a comment!


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